this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
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I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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