my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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