some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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