You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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