Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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