Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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