yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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