I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am one with the molecules
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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