Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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