please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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