I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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