Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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