I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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