perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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