She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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