Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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