Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have aggressive nipples.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize