Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
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You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He shit in the fireplace
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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