Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize