Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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