If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize