Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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