i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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