I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize