Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Boobs speak an international language.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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