i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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