I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize