I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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