Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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