i think my tv is drunk
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize