Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's always time for handjobs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize