o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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