you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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