Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize