New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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