so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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