I CAN MOONWALK!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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