I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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