dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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