i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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