is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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