Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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