I must be too annoying 4 u.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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