Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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