its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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