Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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