If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize