I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
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You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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