So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
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I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize