remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
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i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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